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How to have a threesome (from start to finish)

  • October 27, 2020
  • In Sex


A threesome is like a dinner party. Get the details right and everyone will have a great time. But if one guest is wrong then the whole dynamic gets thrown off. There really is an art, and etiquette, to orchestrating the perfect threesome. If you’ve done your homework with your partner and decided that you’re ready, then let us guide you through the tricky, but incredibly rewarding process, of navigating a menage a trois.

Why do you want one?

And what do you want to get out of it? Traditionally speaking, a threesome is often a ‘hail mary’ for couples who have seen the passion and excitement ebb out of their sex life. While it may seem like the right path to take, it’s really more of a ‘stick a plaster on it’ approach to fixing a relationship. Of course things will heat right back up again and you may even have a few hot encounters with just the two of you as you relive the events, but a threesome isn’t going to magically fix the problems that were there in the first place. But if you’re up for trying something new, then by all means go for it. Maybe you’ve realised you both want to try something that is simply impossible for just two people. Maybe you’re into a certain fetish, or maybe you’re both equally interested in the same person. What’s important to realise is that having a threesome should be born out of a desire for more pleasure, rather than displeasure.

Finding the right person

We’ve already written extensively about how to find a unicorn, so if you really want to dive into the details you can head over and read our in-depth. But for a TLDR…

- Talk it through with your partner - Get everything out in the open and leave no stone of insecurity unturned

- Discuss your fantasies

- Find your unicorn - You could do this online or in person

- Sell yourself, too

- Remember to think about their pleasure as well as your own

Who will initiate?

The last thing you want is for your hot moment to fizzle out in awkwardness after all the build-up. Figure out who’s going to make the first move, and just go for it. Don’t second guess yourself; you’re all there and consenting adults so dive right in. Sometimes all it takes is someone to go “hey, shall we all start going down on each other?”


The sex

Now hopefully, if you’ve followed our unicorn guide, you’ve already ironed out what you all are and aren’t ok with. But the most important part about the actual sex is that you don’t overthink it. Pay specific attention to each of your partners, as both of them will have different needs. While it’s up to them as well to make sure they’re getting involved and playing an active part in the threeway, you need to make sure no one is feeling left out.

The aftermath

Again, you should already know roughly what the after-sex is going to look like, but just in case you don’t… Naturally you’re going to want some cooling off and cleaning up time, and maybe you could offer them a drink? Are they staying over? If so, where are they and you going to sleep? If they’re not staying over, are you able to make sure they get home safely, perhaps by paying for their Uber or taxi? Will you all get breakfast in the morning?

What can you learn?

If the idea of a post-threesome Q&A doesn’t float your boat, then you’re missing out. Once the passion and lust has dimmed, it’s important to hear what worked for each person and what didn’t. It doesn’t have to be anything formal, just a little chat so that, if you decide to head down this road again, you can make it even more enjoyable for everyone involved. It could even lead to some incredible one-on-one sex.

Remember, having a threesome is all about having fun. Don’t overthink it, and don’t get too bogged down in the details. Get out of your head and get ready for one of the hottest nights of your life.

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