How to schedule sex and still enjoy it
We get it. Scheduling sex is probably the last thing you had in mind when you imagined your future relationships. Unfortunately, life isn’t like the movies; routines form, lives get busy, and before you know it, it’s been months since you had sex and you’re sat wondering if your genitals still work anymore. Can people actually forget how to do it? But let us tell you something that may change your entire sex life: sex doesn’t have to be all spontaneous and filled with the fiery hot romance of an erotic novel. Of course it can be, and it’s wonderful when the stars align in your life to allow that to happen, but also scheduling sex is not a death sentence on romance. If anything, it can be the match that gets the fire started all over again. Let us tell you why, and how to get the planning right.
1. Wrap your head around itOf course both you and your partner aren’t just going to be fully on board with scheduled sex right away. Sometimes, if you have a pre-conceived notion of what sex with your soulmate should be like, then bringing a calendar into things can be a bitter pill to swallow. It’s ok to mourn the way your sex life used to be. And it’s totally normal for that wild hormone-fuelled honeymoon period to fade away. Let’s face it, by the time jobs, chores and general life get involved in a long-term relationship, most of us don’t have the energy to pick up a book and read, let alone spend hours in the throes of passion. Rather than thinking of your new scheduled slot as something that demands real effort, think of it as a way to reconnect with your partner. It’s an opportunity to prove that you value each other and think your sex life is something important and worth spending specific time on.
2. When works for you?This step all depends on the type of people you both are. Are you hyper-organised and prefer to have your days, weeks and corresponding activities for each family member planned to a tee? Then you’ll find comfort in consistency and will probably prefer to have your ‘date night’ on the same night every week. If you’re more fluid or if your schedule tends to change, then you will benefit more by planning your date nights one at a time. Best time to plan the next one? Right after you’ve finished the last delicious session, and when you’re still riding the hormone waves.
3. Don’t pressure yourselvesOf course, one of the biggest problems with scheduling sex is that you aren’t guaranteed to be in the mood when your night rolls around. That’s only natural and nobody should think otherwise; never feel pressured or put pressure on your partner to do anything they don’t want to. With that in mind, why not agree to do the ‘bare minimum’? That doesn’t mean putting in the least amount of effort, but it means that on your scheduled night, that you at least do something. Choose something that you can handle at that particular moment. Yep, that could be full blown sex or even a little BDSM, in which case go right ahead; but it could also be a handjob, a blowjob or even just a sensual massage. That way, no matter what you decide to do, you are still connecting with one another.
4. Have a non-sexual date tooYou may spend time with your partner, but how much time do you actually spend with them one-on-one? Book in some non-sexual date time to really reconnect with one another. That could be a date night out away from the kids, doing a new activity together, or just spending time having a real conversation. This, coupled with your scheduled sex, will really affirm with your partner that they’re not just another thing to tick off your to-do list.
5. Treat it like a real dateWhile you may have settled down for the night, slipping out of your dressing gown and slippers and expecting hot sex, gives off a bit of a ‘let’s get it over with’ attitude. Not sexy. Bring back the element of anticipation that you will have had in the beginning by putting in some real effort, just like you would have done before a real date. Have a long bath or quick shower, and then get yourself all dressed up and polished. Send each other flirty texts or emails throughout the day to build up the tension. Maybe even surprise your other half with a romantic setting or a new set of lingerie.